wfn.org | Anglican Bishops' spouses consider their roles

[Worldwide Faith News <wfn@wfn.org>]

ACNS LC025 - 21 July 1998

Bishops' spouses consider the "for better" and "for worse" of
their roles

by Nan Cobbey
Lambeth Conference Communications

With smiles, song and a soft stamping of bare feet, a dozen
bishops' wives escorted one of "their own"-a bishop's
husband-from the stage in the spouses' tent yesterday.

At the conclusion of his part in the Bishops' Spouses Programme
presentation on the role of the bishop's spouse, Dr. Ian
Jameison, husband of Bishop Penelope Jameison of Dunedin in New
Zealand, called the other New Zealand spouses forward.

"To make me not feel totally alone, the bishops' spouses of the
Anglican Church of Aotearoa, New Zealand and Polynesia have
decided to support me in a way which is very customary in our
society and in our church particularly when our indigenous people
are involved," said the Anglican Communion's "the first husband
of a bishop." In all, five husbands of bishops are attending the
programme. 

Immediately the women, most of them barefoot, stepped onto the
stage from their places in the front. Arranging themselves in
rows behind Dr. Jameison, they began to sing a Maori song,
accompanied with expressive movement and gestures telling of
their support and care.

Hardship and satisfaction mark spouses' lives

The six spouses in the presentation told poignant stories of
"better" and of "worse" in their lives, acknowledging challenges
of racism, poverty, gossip, and loneliness. They also shared
moments of "privilege" encountered as part of their partners'
ministries. Though most had their own professions-nurse,
academic, occupational therapist-they all described commitments
to personal ministries. And finally, several offered advice: find
a "soul friend," involve yourselves "outside the church," rely on
God. 

The spouses on the panel were joined by Dr. Elaine Storkey of the
Institute for Contemporary Christianity in London's West End, a
speaker well-known throughout Britain. She started her
theological discussion with the Genesis accounts of Adam and Eve,
but it was when she got to the topic of marriage that she
especially set heads nodding. 	 

"Marriage is extraordinary: two people come together and make
reckless pledges to each other," she said. "We image God as we
love . . . sometimes we love against the odds, sometimes we love
when we are not loved back, sometimes we love sacrificially." 

Elizabeth Appleby, wife of Bishop Richard Appleby of the Northern
Territory in the Anglican Church of Australia, described many
"for betters" - including "caring for clergy spouses and their
families, opportunities for leadership in your own right, and
sharing with Aboriginal Christians in remote communities."

Reflecting on the debit side of the equation, she said she was
reminded of a clergy friend's words: "Remember the mitre is also
a crown of thorns." She also placed among the "for worses" the
"loneliness at the top, gossip and speculation, expectations and
stereotypes," as well as knowing the full story behind the
bishop's decision or action, but not being able to say anything
to protect him or her.

Mrs. Appleby also said she had discovered some useful strategies
for coping with the pressures: allowing herself not to cope
sometimes, involving herself in something outside the Church, and
admitting her fears and difficulties to a soul friend.

Struggling with apartheid's aftermath

Maggie Nkwe, nurse, midwife, founder of diocesan centers for
families in crisis, victims of apartheid and farm workers,
described how she and her husband, Bishop David Nkwe of
Klerksdorp in the Church of the Province of Southern Africa,
faced the challenges of life in South Africa. 

"Apartheid is said to be dead but some of us have not yet
attended its funeral," she said.

Mrs. Nkwe told her audience that when her husband was appointed
to his episcopal post he worried how she would feel.

"It was not an easy choice," she said. "We moved from Soweto to
Klerksdorp in two cars, into a house we struggled to get, because
the so-called white church people in Klerksdorp had concluded we
would stay in the township and not in the so-called white
suburb." 

She turned her talents to aiding her husband's ministry and
promoting justice. In 1991 the new bishop's wife organised the
first march by women in Klerksdorp against female abuse "to
encourage women to participate in gender issues."

The couple "moved into the Klerksdorp diocese as if we were
moving into the desert," she said. "There was no office, no
personnel and no infrastructure." 

Apparently undaunted, Mrs. Nkwe used her talents to set up a
Woman's Desk to launch educational projects such as pre-school
groups and literacy projects.

Evangelising in Tanzania

Miriam Ntiruka, whose husband, Bishop Francis Ntiruka, was 

founding bishop of the Diocese of Tabora in the Church of the
Province of Tanzania, told similar stories of hardship in their
joint ministry.

The new diocese was formed in a place where there were not many
Anglicans in order to evangelize among tribes of the area, she
said, speaking in Swahili. Since its founding in 1989, the
diocese has grown from 6,000 members and 10 pastors to 15,000
members and 28 pastors.

Being the wife of a bishop in Tanzania means "being the mother of
the bishop's family" and Mrs. Ntiruka explained that in her case
that meant being mother to their three sons as well as five
children of relatives. "This is quite common and we are happy to
do it," she said.

She described her efforts to encourage her husband with prayer,
advice, support, "as he cares for that larger spiritual family
that is his diocese."

She confided one downside for her family: the bishop's work calls
him out of the home so often that it means a loss of attention
that sometimes "brings about a deep wound in the life of the
children." 

Husbands left with no clear role

Dr. Jameison, confessed to being at a loss in his first days as a
cleric's spouse, before his wife became bishop. He didn't know
all the do's and, especially, the don'ts, "a far longer list," he
observed. 

"If I'd been a woman, wife to a male vicar, there would have been
a role indeed: Sunday school teacher, flower roster, welcomer,
organist perhaps," he said.

When his wife became vicar of a parish in Wellington, he
confided, "I ended up as a Sunday School teacher, a mower of
lawns, a sidesperson (usher) and as the relief organist," typical
roles for a wife, "but in my case, I felt I had the freedom to
choose them. For that freedom I was very glad." 

Dr. Jameison, who described his wife's diocese as geographically
huge but thinly populated, said that she could know her people
"very well," and that he was able to share in that privilege. He
told of once visiting "the smallest of villages-a school, now
closed, a community hall, a church dedicated to St. Mark." 

Into that church, on the eve of St. Mark, crowded what seemed to
be all the farming families from a sprawling district. "Some were
Anglican, many were Presbyterian, others were from a Pentecostal
church in a nearby village." Many had no affiliation. All had
come to support a man and a wife, local farmers themselves, whom
the bishop was to ordain local priests.

"In the whole history of the diocese there had never been a
resident Anglican priest," he said. "It was a huge day for the
whole community, affirming, indeed, its value. It was a huge
privilege for me."

Political challenges in Pakistan

Shamim Malik, wife of the Bishop Alexander Malik of Lahore in the
Church of Pakistan, regarded herself as co-worker when her
husband was appointed bishop. 

"In the beginning, I felt inadequate and ill-equipped . . . .
Suddenly I had to perform various roles simultaneously-those of
wife, mother and bishop's wife. I tried my best, and whenever I
failed, I tried even harder."

The economic and political instability in Pakistan means church
leaders must also act as political leaders. "The resulting work
load is immeasurable-as is the toll it takes mentally, physically
and emotionally."

She added that "being a bishop's wife involves being a supportive
companion in the bishop's ministry. There is a saying in Urdu
which, translated, says that the digit one, when doubled, becomes
the digit eleven. In other words, it becomes 11 times as strong.
We have learned to make our decisions together, and with the help
of prayer."

Eleci Neves, wife of the Bishop Jubal Nevess of South Western
Brazil, believes part of her role is to protect her husband from
being "overwhelmed by the bureacracy of the church." She
described herself as concerned with abandoned children, the
elderly and those suffering from injustice, and said that she
found ways to help him focus on social justice, Christian mission
and evangelisation.

Murmurs of approval went through the audience when she declared
that one of the most valuable services a spouse can offer is
listening. 

Sally Hastings and Roland Ashby of the Bishops' Spouses Programme
Communications contributed to this story.

For further information, contact:

Lambeth Conference Communications
Canterbury Business School
University of Kent at Canterbury
Telephone: 01227 827348/9
Fax: 01227 828085
Mobile: 0374 800212

http://www.lambethconference.org