wfn.org | Sex May Be a Hot Topic in Assembly Debates,

[PCUSA NEWS <pcusa.news@ecunet.org>]

GA99103 
25-June-1999 
 
           Sex May Be a Hot Topic in Assembly Debates, 
     But in Congregations, It's Often 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' 
 
FORT WORTH   Although several General Assembly committees are working on 
overtures that have something to say about sex, many commissioners insist 
that sexuality is a subject about which local congregations generally have 
very little to say. 
     Not that church members don't talk about sex   they do. They just 
don't talk about it the way their top legislative body does. At the General 
Assembly, commissioners have two choices: to vote "yes" or "no," for or 
against, any given overture. 
     Back home, it's not so cut-and-dried. 
     At the Assembly, all of the so-called issues have names but no faces, 
and participants tend to be combative. In the places where the issues do 
have faces, pastors have to be persuaded to bring them up in conversation. 
Why invite trouble by talking about something that is bound to cause 
conflict and discomfort? 
     When Noreen Harris of the Presbytery of Western New York was preparing 
to leave home for Fort Worth, more than a few members of her congregation 
asked her: "They're not going to be getting into that sex thing again, are 
they?" 
     At home or at the General Assembly, there's no shortage of strongly 
held opinions on issues such as premarital sex, the ordination of gays, and 
the morality of cohabitation.  But according to a random sample of 
commissioners and observers at the 211th General Assembly, most sex-related 
problems back home are dealt with pastorally   and, often, very quietly. 
People may tacitly agree to disagree, or to ignore what everyone knows but 
doesn't talk about. 
 
     It's at the Assembly that life becomes political   and congregations 
reportedly are tired of having the subject of sex take up so much Assembly 
time when it is discussed so little at home. 
     "I think people are tired dealing with this," said the Rev. Karen 
Wismer of Sarasota, Fla., a commissioner from Peace River Presbytery.  She 
said people have pointed out to her that sex- related special-interest 
groups have been represented for years by the same speakers saying the same 
things.  
     "I think people here at the Assembly are tired," Wismer said.  "In my 
congregation, we don't talk about homosexuality or abortion   we've not had 
to face that.  We talk about guns and violence, the homeless people on the 
doorstep, and educating children in the church.  Those are our issues." 
     Wismer said she's sure that, if homosexuality emerged as an issue in 
the life of her congregation, it would be discussed.  "It must just depend 
on where you are," she said. 
     Many commissioners said pretty much the same thing: Unless there is a 
specific reason to talk about sex, most congregations just don't. 
     "Folks don't want to plan to discuss sexuality ... but they have 
opinions, especially when specific questions arise," said the Rev. Houston 
Hodges, a longtime Assembly-watcher and a former presbytery executive who 
believes it isn't unusual for people who take strong public stances on 
moral issues to be less conservative in private   especially when the 
'issue' is someone they know. 
      "There are lots of congregations where people of the same gender 
share housing," Hodges said, "but nothing is made of it.  They've been part 
of the congregation for a long time. There are lots of elders whose 
children live [away from home] and who share housing with people they are 
not married to. ... But no one makes a great deal of that. 
     "But if you asked for a vote of approval on people living together 
before marriage, they would say, 'No, we don't approve of that.'"        
     In the 39 small congregations of Western Kentucky Presbytery, where 
the Rev. Ken Dick is the stated clerk, the presbytery's approximately 5,000 
members tend to overlook what's not quite "by the book,"as a way of keeping 
peace.  Small-town churches would rather have people involved in the life 
of the church than not, he said, even if their lifestyle is questionable. 
     That's true, Dick said, even when an "issue" seems obvious   as in the 
case of a long- time elder who is widely assumed to be gay, but is never 
asked. 
     Some take comfort that the church's standards are upheld by 
constitutional amendment G.6106B, but most are reluctant to enforce the 
amendment in a judicial way. 
     "Part of it is that pastors realize the divisiveness of the issue, and 
tend to stay away from it," Dick said, referring to the denomination's 
debate on homosexuality, which has raged for more than 20 years.  "When 
you're in a presbytery of small churches, you don't want to make your 
church too much smaller." 
     But the Rev. James Tony of Palos Park, near Chicago, a long-time 
activist with Presbyterians Pro-Life, says one key to dealing with sexual 
issues is being able to distinguish between situations in which clear 
teaching is needed from the church   as in legislative meetings 
  and those that call for a loving  response   as in pastoral settings. 
"Clarity is important in the legal, legislative environment and in the 
pastoral environment, love is.  It is a difficult, difficult tension. You 
don't come to a pastoral situation legalistically, Tony said, "and you 
don't push to be pastoral in the legislative area.  You have to teach and 
love." 
     The search for clarity goes on in settings like the Forks of the 
Brandywine Presbyterian Church in Glenmoore, Pa., whose Session chose to 
draft a marriage policy for the instruction of the numerous couples who ask 
to be married in the congregation's postcard-pretty sanctuary: The pastor 
won't perform ceremonies for couples who are living together outside the 
covenant of marriage. 
     That is one way the congregation witnesses to the community on its 
beliefs and standards, in a culture where one in three couples who visit 
the church are living together, said the church's pastor, the Rev. Andy 
Curtis. 
     While some pastoral situations   such as out-of-wedlock pregnancies or 
cases of sexual misconduct   may evoke a response from the wider 
congregation, many are handled with a more subtle brand of witness.  
     A gay couple are told about the church's opposition to same-sex 
unions, but are encouraged to stay in the congregation.  A young church 
leader who is living with his girlfriend is quietly asked to stop doing so, 
and does. Or a dying man and his live-in girlfriend are cared for by a 
parish, with few questions asked.   
     "Most of this comes up privately ... or among friends," said the Rev. 
Jeff Bridgeman of Solvang, Calif., a member of the General Assembly 
Council, who argues that clear standards are essential in a culture that 
offers more chaos than clarity. "Or it may be sparked by something they've 
studied, or heard in a sermon." 
     Breaking the silence at the local level is one of the goals of the 
Presbyterian More Light Network, which is making regional gay/lesbian 
evangelists available for dialogue in congregations.  More local-level 
talk, according to Scott Anderson, one of the organization's spokespersons, 
may make for "healthier" conversations than those that sometimes take place 
at the Assembly. 
     "For pastors in local churches, [talking about sexuality] is a 
lose-lose [situation]," Anderson told the Presbyterian News Service.  "It 
creates conflict, and raises hackles.  People leave, and money goes out the 
door.  The pervasive silence grows out of a judgment call that most pastors 
have made.  So the General Assembly is the only place to raise those 
concerns." 
     When "those concerns" get national media coverage, Presbyterians are 
discomfited and begin expressing their fatigue with denominational 
infighting.   
     "They're unhappy [that conflict about sexuality] is what the 
Presbyterian Church gets national press on, and wish we'd quit talking 
about it," the Rev. Carol DeVaughan of Giddings- Lovejoy Presbytery said of 
her congregation, which she described as "very open to varieties of folks." 
Citing longtime contentious issues such as homosexuality and abortion, 
DeVaughan said those who hold extreme positions will probably never be 
reconciled.  
     "What we have to do as a church," she said, "is figure out how to live 
together.  That's one of the reasons I'm Presbyterian. ... There is room 
for a variety of opinions on issues." 
     It's rather like that in Harris' church, where older members tend to 
oppose changes in such matters as the ordination of homosexuals, and to 
resist studying the issue in formal ways  while younger members have a 
different opinion and might gather to study the issue informally. Harris 
said that, while very few members of any age talk about such matters inside 
the sanctuary, they do talk elsewhere.   
     "A bunch of them will be sitting on Sunday around the corner," she 
said.  "You'll hear it there." 
 
Alexa Smith 

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