wfn.org | 'We had seen things no human being should see'

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2001-262

'We had seen things no human being should see'

     An eyewitness report of the Rev. Douglas Brown, prior of Holy Cross 
Monastery

     September 12

     I cannot sleep and so I thought I would try to put into words what I 
experienced yesterday morning. I was to be part of an all-day filming of a 
program by Trinity Broadcasting of meditations and dialogue with Archbishop Rowan 
Williams. I was going to share a cab with Jonathan Linman, the new director of 
the Center for Christian Spirituality, but he begged off as his flight from 
Chicago was delayed by 7 hours and he did not get in until 2:00 a.m. So I got a 
cab myself and got to Trinity Place at 8:30. We gathered in the parlor on the 
second floor for coffee and danish and were chatting, getting ready for the 
taping to begin at 9:30 a.m.

     I was chatting with a former directee, Peter Grandell, who is the liturgical 
man at the National Cathedral. Peter had his back to the window, which looked 
across to Trinity. We didn't hear anything (because the first plane went into the 
north tower of the WTC, the farthest from Trinity) but I noticed all these papers 
floating through the air. I went over to the window and looked up and as high as 
one could see there was paper floating down, sparkling in the bright sunlight. 

     A number of us went out on to the bridge that crosses over to the church and 
the sirens were starting to scream and traffic had stopped. The debris continued 
to fall and I picked up a memo from an office on the 94th floor of Tower 1. 

     Someone on the Trinity staff told us the news said that a plane had flown 
into the WTC and we assumed that it was a terrible accident. Once outside, we 
could see the plume of smoke above the building. We went back in and joined hands 
for prayer and during that the second plane went into the south tower which is 
one block from where we stood. The sound was unearthly and, at that point, we 
didn't know what it could be--probably a secondary explosion from the accident. 
But someone rushed in with news of the second plane and we were taken to the 
studio as the safest place: in it interior with no windows. 

     We were all very tense and a monitor was set up so we could watch CNN after 
Rowan Williams had led us in some prayer again. It was after this that reports 
came in of the similar attack on the Pentagon and it began to be a little 
apocalyptic.

     I was with a lot of people I know well, some of which some of you will know 
as well: Rowan Williams, Fred Burnham, Dan Matthews, Courtney Cowart, Peter 
Grandell, Carl Ruttan, Gay Silver, Jerome Berryman, Mary Haddad, Lyndon Harris, 
Elizabeth Koenig, and about 10 others. We were seated in a double horseshoe and 
people drifted in and out to go to the bathroom. 

     After about 45 minutes, there began a terrible rumble and everyone in the 
front row threw themselves on the floor. It was a terrible sound and most of us 
thought that it was a bomb or, correctly, the collapse of one of the towers. But 
that is just a block and a half away and we knew the possibility that it could 
fall on us. 

     We were then given smoke masks and herded into the stairwells as the 
building was beginning to fill with smoke. In the stairwells, we joined the 
children and women from the day care center and what followed was a time of awful 
confusion: children screaming, various Trinity workers screaming at us about 
where the air was better, etc. We went up and down through several interconnected 
buildings and I had no idea where we were. The other thing that we confusing were 
the ubiquitous cell phones and the attendant rumors. News flew up and down the 
stairs that another plane had flown into the Sears Tower in Chicago (false) and 
that the sound we heard and felt was the collapse of the tower (true), etc. By 
and large, though, everything was quiet and I think we all felt numb.

     Finally, around 10:15 came the worst part. The wind was blowing from the 
north-west which blew the smoke and debris directly over Trinity. But around 
10:15, the plume from the collapse of Tower 1 had passed and the air was 
beginning to clear outside. So we were taken outside and this is where words 
begin to fail me. It was eerily quiet and we were the only people. I can only say 
it was like those movies that depict a "nuclear winter" following a nuclear 
apocalypse. The ground was covered with about three inches of ash, mixed with 
papers, mail, machine tapes, shoes, ties, pens. 

     The cars had all their windows blown in and it was snowing ash and debris. 
The ash was oily and gradually my glasses covered over and all our clothes and 
hair turned gray. We were directed south and after a block the ground started 
rumbling and there began the most unearthly sound I have ever heard. It was the 
collapse of the second tower and I was sure we were all going to die. This was 
the  moment of pure terror. It was like thunder that just wouldn't stop; it went 
on and on and on. But as you have seen on the videos, the buildings collapsed 
straight down and we were protected by the block of buildings that separated it 
from us. But we could see the huge cloud of debris roil across the intersection 
above us.		Many screams and most ran into the alcoves created by pillars on 
the bank we were passing. People began running and came to join other survivors 
of the area and we were herded into a construction trailer (sweltering!) just 
outside the terminal for the Staten Island Ferry. There we had a third round of 
prayer, this time led by a construction worker of the "We just want to thank ya" 
school of prayer; but he perfectly captured where we were.

     I was still with about eight people I knew (including Rowan Williams) as the 
group had gotten separated in the evacuation. It was a comfort to be with people 
like Fred and Carl. I didn't want to be alone in what was going to happen. 

     By then it was clear what had happened and the three things that took root 
in me were the fear for the people of Fiduciary Trust in Tower 1, imagining the 
terror of those on the hijacked planes watching their impending impact and 
finally the police and firefighters who must have been under the towers when they 
came down. I began crying, as others were. In retrospect though one thing that 
strikes me is how quiet we all were. There was very little conversation through 
all of this and my enduring impression is of silence.

     After the plume from the second collapse passed over us (about 20 minutes) 
and out over the harbor, we left and there were a number of city buses that had 
been trapped down in the financial district. We piled into one and it slowly went 
around the bottom of the island and up past the South Street Seaport and onto the 
FDR. 

     The tower of smoke from the WTC site was indescribable. As we started up the 
FDR, it and everywhere we could see were thousands of people, all walking north. 
We got up to and went across 34th St. and I got off with Elizabeth Koenig and 
Carl Ruttan at Penn Station and walked down to GTS. It was surreal: we were all 
gray with ash; but at Penn, the air was clear, the sun was shining brilliantly 
and everyone look perfectly normal. They stared at the three of us as we passed 
like we were refugees of a different country. The worst moment was when we got to 
a clear spot from which the WTC could be seen and there was nothing there! It was 
like being sucker-punched. 

     We got back to Chelsea Square and climbed into the shower. The rest of the 
day and night were, again, surreal. The streets were almost deserted and quiet 
except for the occasional outbreak of sirens. All you could see on the streets 
were police and ambulances. The priests and senior students went to St. 
Vincent's, the closest hospital to the WTC and Chelsea Piers is being turned into 
a huge morgue for the identification of victims as they are recovered.

     I called Larry Huntington's house when I could and their cleaning lady said 
they weren't there and that Larry had not gone in. I also called Carl Scaturo, my 
contact at Fiduciary Trust,: he had been late for work and was walking towards 
the towers when the first plane went in. He started crying as we talked. We had 
seen things that no human being should see. As the plane headed into the tower, 
people who saw them coming threw themselves out of the 79th floor windows!

     This city remains uncannily quiet. One disturbing event was as I came back 
from dinner up 9th Ave. with a friend after Mass. A couple passed us and the 
woman was waving her arms and screaming that all the "towel-heads should be 
killed." Mayor Giuliani has placed extra police protection for all Moslem mosques 
and institutions.

     I'm fine and was not hurt but am still pretty shaky. I find my eyes filling 
with tears from time to time and I am a bit jumpy when a load noise comes 
suddenly. GTS put together a "Mass in a time of National Crisis" which was 
brilliantly done, even though hard to get through but I had to be there. This has 
given new meaning to the phrase that each day is a gift. Dr. Johnson said once 
that "knowing that one is to be hanged in a fortnight concentrates the mind 
wonderfully." I think I know what he meant. 

     I tried calling Larry again last night and couldn't get through and will try 
again today. Fiduciary Trust offices were well above the floors of impact and 
my assumption is that those floor could not be evacuated and they all perished. 
But I don't know and will let you know if and when I find out.

     I just wanted to try to get down these remembrances while they were 
still relatively fresh. And I hope they may give you a bit of the emotional flavor 
of  a "close-up and personal" encounter with this event. It will be like it was 40 years 
ago and when all remembered where we were when JFK died; only this time, 
I was on Dealey Plaza.