wfn.org | Commentary: Reaching a father's heart

["NewsDesk" <NewsDesk@UMCOM.ORG>]

March 11, 2004	  News media contact: Linda Green 7 (615)742-5470 7
Nashville, Tenn. 7 E-mail: newsdesk@umcom.org 7 ALL-YE{102}

NOTE: A head-and-shoulders photo of the Rev. Kwasi Kena is available at
http://umns.umc.org.

A UMNS Commentary
By the Rev. Kwasi Kena*

I stared at the television screen in disbelief. With a simple question, a
female reporter pierced the snarling demeanor of one of pro sports' most
notorious "bad boys."

"How do you handle being separated from your young daughter so often?" she
asked him. Without warning, his "bad boy" exterior melted into a river of
uncontrolled emotion. Whether pro athlete or prisoner, gangsta rapper or
corporate executive, the importance of developing a healthy father/child
relationship is undeniable. 

Today, a disturbing number of children are growing up in "father absent"
households. Father absence has been identified as a negative influence on
children that produces varying degrees of emotional, behavioral and learning
disorders.

Despite these negatives, extensive research in the 1990s indicated the
increasing importance of the presence of fathers. Some national organizations
are addressing the importance of developing involved, responsible and
committed fathers. One such organization is the National Fatherhood
Initiative.

According to Rick Chafino, director of affiliate relations with the
initiative, "a lot of energy has been devoted to defining the 'deadbeat dad,'
but not enough attention has been given to developing fathers."

"Deadbeat fathers are actually dead broke," he said. "They are broke because
they're not providers - financially, emotionally and spiritually. This is why
the fatherhood movement is so important."

Chafino, a father himself with a master's degree in counseling, has directed
a fatherhood program for more than three years. He previously ran a support
group working with fathers of children with mental retardation.

His work eventually led to a discovery of the growing trend of grandfathers
being thrust back into the role of father. Increasingly, grandparents are
becoming the primary caregivers of small children as more parents abandon
their children to grandparents, often without the legal transfer of
guardianship.

These new family arrangements are challenging for both children and
grandparents. 

A critical question is how to get grandfathers involved in fathering,
especially those who believe that mothers should raise the children.
According to Chafino, the answer lies in showing grandfathers that they can
instill core values, such as trust, honesty, fidelity and respect, often
ignored in today's society.

Instilling values is not without its challenges, however. Grandfathers often
bristle as a grandchild explains how to score more points in a video game by
killing the opponent with some gruesome weapon. The world of the grandfather
collides with the world of his grandchild. 

Despite the challenges, "second-time dads" generally have one major asset:
time. Granddads often have more time to sit, listen and interact with their
grandchildren's decisions. In the midst of a grandchild deciding to pierce a
body part or dye his or her hair green, grandfathers have the opportunity to
talk about actions and values. 

Grandpa's core values may be the fresh air that grandchildren need to breathe
in an atmosphere clogged with "gray morality." The learning is mutual,
however. As grandfathers discuss the advantages and disadvantages of getting
a tattoo, they can also learn new levels of patience and understanding for
their grandchildren

Helping men develop healthy fathering skills has recently become a major
ministry priority at the denomination's Commission on United Methodist Men.
This year, United Methodist Men conducted five regional events, titled, "Sons
of the Father." The candid conversations between the father-son duo of the
Rev. Jimmy Buskirk and his son, the Rev. Chris Buskirk, transformed these
events into seasons of collective soul searching. 

With each story shared and truth told, men at the "Sons of the Father" events
corporately grieved over missed opportunities to bless their sons or fathers.
Men celebrated the times when they "got it right." Through groans and silent
concessions, men admitted that building positive family memories sometimes
ranked second behind work, career building and other "important things."

The commission responded to the interest in reaching fathers by entering into
an affiliate organization relationship with the National Fatherhood
Initiative last October. Through this affiliation, United Methodist Men will
be able to help local churches provide a variety of effective fatherhood
ministries.

# # #

*Kena serves as the field service director and editor of UMMen Magazine at
the Commission on United Methodist Men in Nashville, Tenn.

 
 

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United Methodist News Service
Photos and stories also available at:
http://umns.umc.org