wfn.org | At the roots of Methodism: Marriage revealed Wesley's own

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humanity

Nov. 16, 1998  Contact: Tim Tanton*(615)742-5470*Nashville, Tenn.
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NOTE:  This is a regular feature on Methodist history by John Singleton
prepared especially for distribution by United Methodist News Service. A
photograph is available with this column.

By John Singleton*

The saga of John Wesley's marriage is a cautionary tale from the roots
of Methodism that ought to resonate today with any couple so involved in
church life that they fail to leave enough space for each other.

Wesley and Mary Vazeille, a well-to-do widow and mother of four
children, were married in 1751. By 1758 she had left him -- unable to
cope, it is said, with the competition for his time and devotion
presented by the ever-burgeoning Methodist movement. Molly, as she was
known, was to return and leave him again on several occasions before
their final separation.

In January 1771, Wesley wrote in his journal that, "For what cause I
know not to this day," his wife had set out for Newcastle, "purposing
never to return." This prompted him to note (in Latin): "I did not
desert her; I did not send her away; I will not ask her to return."

Ten years later, in October 1781, Wesley was returning to London from a
visit to the Isle of Wight and was told that his wife had died four days
earlier. It was a rather sad sequel to a relationship which, some would
say, had everything stacked against it almost from the word go.

With the unremitting demand of the Methodist movement on its founder's
presence and energy pitted against a wife and mother jealous of her
husband's time, something just had to give. And yet it wasn't always
like that ...

Vazeille, the widow of a London merchant who died in 1747, was of
Huguenot descent. When Charles Wesley (John's brother) first met her at
the home of a mutual friend, he described her as "a woman of sorrowful
spirit."

Charles' hostility toward any romantic attachment of his brother is well
known. On being informed by John of his forthcoming marriage to
Vazeille, Charles wrote in his journal: "I was thunderstruck, and could
only answer that he had given me the first blow, and his marriage would
come like the coup de grace. ... I refused his company to the chapel and
retired to mourn with my faithful Sally." (It was OK for Charles to be
married, apparently!)

Wesley and Vazeille signed a preliminary "marriage agreement" on Feb. 9,
1751, stipulating that he would touch none of her private fortune and
that she must not be held responsible for any of his debts. This kind of
pre-emptive arrangement might be frowned upon by Christians today as
hardly being a vote of confidence in a forthcoming marriage. Most
likely, however, the couple saw it as a way of ensuring they did not
exploit each other.

With that important matter settled, Wesley planned to set out on a
northern preaching tour on Feb. 11. Unfortunately, he slipped on the ice
on London Bridge in the early hours of Feb. 10 and injured his leg
rather badly. He went on to preach at London's West Street chapel, but
afterward was taken by coach via his Foundry headquarters to his
fiancee's home to convalesce.

After a week there, Wesley was still too lame to undertake his northern
journey. The couple decided to seize this enforced window of opportunity
in Wesley's travels and get married. This they did on Feb. 18.

By March 4, Wesley was still unable to walk but set off anyway on
horseback to Bristol, where he had invited many of his itinerant
preachers to assemble for a conference on March 11. On that same day he
wrote to Molly: "My body is stronger and stronger -- and so is my love
to you. God grant it may never go beyond his will! O that we may always
continue to love one another as Christ loved us!"

His love letters to her make tender reading.  "My dear love, I know not
how to stay a day at any place without writing a few lines," he wrote to
Molly on April 2, 1751. "I wonder at myself. How is it that absence does
not lesson but increase my affection? I feel you every day nearer to my
heart. O that God may continue his unspeakable gift! That we may both
daily increase in faith, in zeal, in meekness, and in tender love to
each other!"

But after only three months into their marriage, Wesley seems to have
been troubled by the increasingly jealous disposition of his wife. "My
wife, upon all supposition that I did not love her, and that I trusted
others more than her, had often fretted herself almost to death," he
wrote. Wesley talked with her about it and "by the blessing of God the
cloud vanished away, and we were united as at the beginning."

Sadly, the cloud was to return on many occasions. When family
commitments allowed, Molly accompanied Wesley on some of his travels. On
other occasions, he tried to boost her confidence by telling her how
people were inquiring after her. "Your name is precious among this
people," he wrote from Newcastle. "They talk of you much, and know not
how to commend you enough. ... Their way of mentioning you often brings
tears to my eyes." There was approval, for example, of the way she sat
"among the poor
at the preaching."

Gradually, however, the gap between husband and wife widened emotionally
and physically until they reached the point of no return. If you have
the opportunity to visit Wesley's Chapel in London, you will see among
the artifacts in Wesley's house his bureau, complete with hidden
compartments. It was here, at this very piece of furniture, that Molly
read some of her husband's letters to his "dear sisters" and
misinterpreted and misconstrued their often affectionate and florid
language. And so the fires of jealousy were fueled.

It is a sad episode, but at least it brings home to us the humanity of
Wesley. On this occasion and others, the founder of Methodism reveals
some of the inner turmoil taking place behind his relentless regime of
travel, pastoral work and preaching. There must be a lesson there for
many of us.

# # #

*Singleton is news editor of the weekly Methodist Recorder newspaper in
London. He can be contacted by e-mail: editorial@methodistrecorder.co.uk

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