wfn.org | Commentary: Amid wedding spectacle, where's the Lord?

[NewsDesk <NewsDesk@UMCOM.UMC.ORG>]

Nov. 1, 1999  News media contact: Tim Tanton·(615)742-5470·Nashville, Tenn.
10-21-71BP{580} 

NOTE: A photograph will be available with this column.

A UMNS Commentary
By the Rev. Sheron C. Patterson*

In the wake of the squalling infants, sassy children and drunken, sobbing
adults, common to weddings, a national advice columnist posed the question
to clerics, "Why do you hate weddings?" I had to respond. 

I don't hate weddings. I love weddings. Weddings are the ceremonies
surrounding marriage, and marriage is the splendid institution created by
God to bring a man and a woman into a lifetime union. Weddings are truly
meant to glorify the one who made it all possible: God. 

I've loved weddings since childhood. Watching all the merriment and magic
culminate in a kiss at the altar was enthralling. I knew, in my childlike
mind, that there must be a powerful God somewhere bringing people together
and making them happy.

I don't hate weddings. I love weddings because even in biblical days, they
were eventful. There was the wedding in Genesis when deceitful uncle Laban
tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead of Rachel. That was a mystery
marriage to say the least. Can you imagine the mayhem the morning after? 

Then there was the wedding in Cana of Galilee with Jesus, his mother and his
disciples present. When the wine ran low, I believe a mild panic set in.
Wedding wine, especially good wedding wine, was an essential item.
Apparently, a confrontation between Jesus and his mom ensued when she asked
him to help out. I wonder if that exchange raised a few eyebrows? The good
news is that Jesus did avert the wedding disaster. He turned the water to
wine, and the wedding continued gloriously on.

While I don't hate weddings, I do hate what has happened to us regarding
weddings. Many weddings seem to lose their focus on God. Some are
commercialized productions. Others are mini concerts for the soloists.

Still others emphasize how many sequins were sown on the wedding gown or
what country the flowers were flown in from. Tragically, it also seems that
the farther away we move from the sacred the closer we move toward
ostentatious. In fact, it seems that we've moved from "O God" to "uh gaudy."

Why do I say this?  Many pastors feel like intruders at weddings. We are
tolerated long enough to utter a few holy phrases, take the perfunctory
photo, and then are gone. Audience members hoot, root and cheer during the
ceremony as though they are at a sporting event. Moreover, there are the
parents who lavish thousands of dollars on the wedding ceremony, while the
bride and groom have invested scant effort into preparing for a life
together. 

At the most recent wedding I officiated, I had to turn away so the audience
wouldn't see me snicker. The wedding directress had concocted an elaborate
dance routine for the groomsmen and bridesmaids that had them bowing,
lighting candles and twirling down the isle till they were
dizzy. 

As a pastor with a special interest in helping people develop and maintain
Christian-centered relationships, it is clear that a fanaticism has fomented
around the concept of weddings. A cursory glance at newsstands reveals
numerous wedding magazines. Readers of such
publications can be inundated with the all the trimmings and none of the
real reason for the event at all. The only goal of this movement is to
produce, plan and pay vast sums for a wedding. The holy union of the husband
and wife is trampled in the secular-based melee.

What really has happened is that we've put a little too much of us in
weddings and we've taken too much of God out. No one wants a somber, dull
ceremony that resembles a wake more than a wedding. However, I am advocating
more of an emphasis on the role of Christ in making the
husband and wife one flesh. I am recommending that sacredness permeate the
event. I am advocating that wedding directresses learn the difference
between a wedding procession and a "Soul Train" line! There is a time and
place for everything.

Often one has to wonder where God is in the midst of this. I suggest God is
where God has been the whole time, with us. Perhaps snickering a bit too.

# # #

*Patterson is a Christian relationships expert and author. She is the
founder and director of the Love Clinic, a nationally recognized
relationship advocacy institute. Patterson also is the pastor of Jubilee
United Methodist Church in Dallas.

Commentaries provided by United Methodist News Service do not necessarily
represent the opinions or policies of UMNS or the United Methodist Church.

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