wfn.org | Female pastor urges men to show affection to wives, families

[NewsDesk <NewsDesk@UMCOM.UMC.ORG>]

July 17, 2001  News media contact: Tim Tanton·(615)742-5470·Nashville, Tenn.
10-71B{317}

NOTE:  This report may be used as a sidebar to UMNS story #315.

By Tim Tanton*

WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. (UMNS) -- Expressions of affection can make all the
difference in a man's family life.

"The first gift that you can give to your family is the great ... gift of
affection," said the Rev. Jessica Moffatt, senior minister at First United
Methodist Church in Bixby, Okla.

Moffatt gave a woman's perspective on relationships during a July 13 speech
at the 8th International UMMen Congress. She was the only female speaker at
the July 13-15 event, attended by 4,000 church men.

"Do you know why most marriages break up?" she asked the men. "Most
marriages break up because one or both parties lacks either the skill or
awareness of how to meet the other person's needs.

"So here's the question of the morning: Do you know what your wife needs
from you?" Likewise, do the wives know the husbands' needs? she asked. When
spouses fail to meet needs, "it is usually due to lack of information."

Moffatt used Paul's first letter to the Thessalonians, 2:8-12, as a biblical
base for her discussion about men and relationships.

A woman's top three needs are affection, conversation, and openness and
honesty, she said. Openness and honesty translate into trust, she said.

She defined "affection" as "direct and convincing expressions of love." The
way to a woman's heart is to give her a long hug and tell her tenderly how
much she is loved. Moffatt suggested other ideas: holding hands, writing
notes, making daily phone calls from the office, going for walks after
dinner.

She said she wasn't talking about sex, but about expressing love without
expecting anything in return.

Experiment with affection, she said. "I believe it can transform the heart
of your relationship."

Affection is also the No. 1 need that children have in their relationship
with their father, she said. She cited a magazine article that described how
a father set aside 365 hours out of the year for one-on-one time with his
son, and the impact that the commitment had on the son's life.

Noting Paul's reference in the Thessalonians passage to sharing "our own
selves," Moffatt underscored the importance of men giving of themselves to
their families. She also took a cue from Paul by urging the men to be
encouraging to their children.

Moffatt asked the men if their marriages were centered on Christ. "Is Christ
the third person in your marriage? Do you make time for the spiritual things
in your family? Honestly, we need you to step out on this."

She concluded with words of encouragement. "Seek God. Seek the Holy Spirit.
He will help you be the kind of father and the kind of husband that he
intended you to be."
 
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*Tim Tanton is news editor for United Methodist News Service.

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United Methodist News Service
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