wfn.org | Single Christian women voice concerns and frustrations about courtship, marriage

["Taiwan Church News" <enews@pctpress.org>]

>      Taiwan Church News

>3028 Edition

>March 8~14, 2010

Single Christian women voice concerns and frustrations about  courtship, 
marriage

>Reported by staff reporters

>Written by Lydia Ma

According to Ministry of Interior (MOI) statistics, the number of  people who 
got married in

2009 was about 25% less than numbers recorded for 2008. This  percentage marked 
the

sharpest decline in recent years. MOI also reported that the  number of women 
above 30 years

of age who were still single increased significantly and the  average age women 
got married

was 28, an increase of 2 years compared to a decade earlier.  Factors 
accounting for why so

many women remain single or get married at a later age included  their ability 
and desire to be

>independent.

The percentage of single women within churches is higher than  mainstream 
society,

prompting many churches spring to action during this Lunar New  Year. Some 
churches

organized social events or group blind dates. For example, PCT  Tainan 
Presbytery organized

“Eden Encounter” (a group blind date) while Kaohsiung  and Shou-Shan 
presbyteries

>organized trips for single young adults.

But according to reports from these events, the number of women  over 30 who 
participated in

these events jumped significantly, prompting one 28-year-old male  to comment 
that women

who participated in the matchmaking event he attended were mostly  older than 
him. “How am I

gonna find a suitable lady?” he wondered.

In reality, single Christian men and single Christian women face  different 
challenges when it

comes to finding a suitable mate. The purpose of this report is to  shed light 
on what single

Christian women are looking for when finding a mate so that  churches can find 
better ways to

help them. We selected a panel of 5 ladies – all of them are  Christian, 
single, and above 30.

Taiwan Church News will discuss the concerns of single Christian  men in 
another issue.

Does being “equally yoked” affect your decision on whom  to marry?

When asked whether the apostle Paul’s teaching on being  “equally yoked” affect 
Christian

women’s search for a partner, everyone in our panel said  “yes”.

For Hsiao-chi, who works as a sales agent an insurance company,  Christians and 
non-

Christians have a very different set of values that may not be  reconcilable. 
But she added that

as long as the other person respects her faith, she wouldn’t  mind dating a 
non-Christian. But

she emphasized that dating must be for the purpose of discovering  whether they 
are suited to

>marry each other.

Hsiao-ling, who teaches at an English cram-school, believes that  sharing a 
common faith

factors into her decision-making. However, she doesn’t  preclude dating 
non-Christians just

because of the “equally yoked” clause. “As long as  the guy is a good man and 
respects my

Christian faith, I would give it a try and consider dating  him.”

Miss Chen, a computer engineer, believes the reason Christian  women remain 
single is

because they want to be “equally yoked”. However, she  personally feels that 
“equally yoked”

could be interpreted as including other important conditions, such  as level of 
education, family

background, and personal values. All of these conditions must be  considered 
and must match

>her own as well for a match to be successful.

Miss Chen is wary of those who say a Christian wife can lead her  non-Christian 
husband to

the faith because there are too many examples of wives who’ve  left their 
Christian faith and

become unhappy in their marriages after getting hitched with a  non-believer. 
“After all, we still

live in a traditional society where a wife is expected to follow  her husband. 
I’m not taking any

chances – my husband must respect me and be a  Presbyterian.”

>Is financial status an important criterion?

All the ladies in our panel responded to this question with a  resounding “yes”.

Hsiao-Chi said, “At least, he must earn more money than I  do.” She agreed that 
poverty and

managing money were major factors that would affect marriages. If  her future 
husband didn’t

have a stable job or a stable source of income, this could also  indicate he 
wasn’t a

>responsible or goal-oriented person.

Hsiao-ling felt her future husband should have some savings and  all single 
women would

agree with her point because ladies want someone who can offer  them a sense of 
security,

which often translates into having a steady job and some savings.

For Hsiao-shih, who works as a manager in a publishing company,  the main point 
is that men

in their 30s must show some level of achievement or have an  expertise. They 
must have

personal goals and know what they want to achieve in life.  “These are the 
kinds of men ladies

want and admire. They are the ones ladies are willing to root for  and keep 
company for life.”

>How do past break-ups impact present search?

Hsiao-shih has had serious boyfriends before, but doubts drove  them apart just 
before

reaching the altar. “Sometimes you meet the right person at  the wrong time and 
it doesn’t

work out,” she said. However, she’s still optimistic  about one day meet Mr. 
Right.

“Actually, it does affect me,” said Hsao-ling.  “I’ve dated a few bad guys 
before. Now, I’m more

careful and won’t let myself fall in love as easily, unless  we’re talking 
abouit a really good guy.”

>Are social traditions a source of pressure?

Asked whether opinions from parents, friends, and society in  general, have 
been sources of

pressure after she reached 40, Hsiao-chi replied that though there  are 
pressures from these

sources, the biggest pressure is still pressure she puts on  herself. Hsiao-chi 
wants to be a

mother of three children, but at the age of 40, she still  hasn’t found a 
suitor. It’s not hard to

>imagine why she’d be anxious.

“It’s different for me,“ replied Hsiao-ling.  “It doesn’t make much difference 
whether or not I get

married. Of course, I want to get married. Of course, my parents  are 
pressuring me to get

married. But I can’t just pick any passerby and get  hitched!” Hsiao-ling said 
it’s inevitable that

single ladies of her age will be pressured, however, it is better  not to get 
married unless ladies

meet the right guy. “Not getting married is better than  getting married to the 
wrong person!”

>she concludes.

For Hsiao-shih, her family and friends are concerned that she  hasn’t found a 
suitable guy and

settled down. But she feels it’s more important for her to be  mature and able 
to care for

herself, whether single or married. She has several single friends  who are 
ladies in their 40’s

or 50’s who are doing just fine living on their own.  “It’s important that 
people never stop

learning and maturing, regardless of whether they get married.  Ultimately, 
it’s your life and you

>must live for yourself.”

>One Christian matchmaker’s dilemma

According to Liu Feng-sung, a Christian who retired from Taiwan  Historica two 
years ago and

began offering free matchmaking services, more than 1,000 men and  1,600 women 
have

sought his matchmaking services so far. He confirmed that women  outnumber men 
by a huge

>margin.

Whenever Liu tries to match people up, he always tries to find  people with 
similar background

and faith. However, he admitted the chances of success are slim  whenever he 
tries to find a

Christian match for a Christian woman. That’s because sharing  the same faith 
isn’t the only

criterion women are looking for when choosing a mate. Liu  explained that 
Christian women

share similarities with non-Christian women when searching for a  mate – they 
all want wealthy,

>good-looking men.

“Christians account for only 3% of the general population.  There are already 
very few Christian

men out there. With a bar raised so high, of course it’ll be  hard to find a 
match. This explains

why there are so many single Christian women,” he laments.

With so many challenges before them, Liu suggests Christian women  lower their 
standards

when searching. He believes that Christian women don’t  necessarily have to 
exclude non-

Christian men, but rather, choose men who will respect their  Christian faith 
and then try going

>out with such men on a few dates and see.

“After all, if you’re a strong Christian, you should  have enough courage to 
share your faith with

people from other religious backgrounds. Marrying a person who  doesn’t share 
the same faith

as you can also be an opportunity to share the gospel,” he  said. He added that 
people who

successfully find a match using his service are usually people who  are open 
and accepting,

haven’t set the bar too high, and are able to find a balance  between their 
reason and their

>feelings.

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